Most young people are very scared to get married because its the fear of the unknown,more so in India as there is a lot of family pressure on a lot of fronts namely caste,financial background etc etc.One of my unmarried young friend broke up with his girlfriend,understandably heartbroken while the ex was oblivious to his feelings enjoying the life of being single again.He being pressurised by his family to get married was not eager and very apprehensive because he heard all sorts of stories from his friends who ended up getting married to a girl of their parents choice ,were feeling like a filling of a sandwich.
Anyhow he started asking me for advice on everything thinking me a veteran ,married for 15 yrs would be able to tell him something different.....if only he knew.All married people whether living alone or with parents go through their own problems ,ups and downs .Marriage is successful by a hit n trial method....u try everything ,if it works, well and good, if it doesnt, then god help you.Frankly,thats how i have survived all these years,so i feel like a hypocrite when i tell him anything.
Anyhow he started asking me for advice on everything thinking me a veteran ,married for 15 yrs would be able to tell him something different.....if only he knew.All married people whether living alone or with parents go through their own problems ,ups and downs .Marriage is successful by a hit n trial method....u try everything ,if it works, well and good, if it doesnt, then god help you.Frankly,thats how i have survived all these years,so i feel like a hypocrite when i tell him anything.
Then he asked me a question which everybody asks me ''love or arranged'',which is better.As far as i am concerned how u jump into a lake is entirely your problem,result is the same,either you just about stay afloat or drown.....and i sometimes feel drowning would have been better though a little painful.
On a serious note to come back to the original question,i still havent found the right answer to that one.when a goes for an arranged marriage everything is new ,the couple has time to fall in love with each other since the meetings before are not as many and as often as they'd like.Its a time of discovery for both of them,their likes and dislikes ,each other's idiosyncrasies and most importantly SEX,which is mind blowing.The problems crop up later but thats also ok because fights are an important part of a relation ship,if there are no fights ((((which is rare)))that means there is something shady.
In a love match the couple comes together with a whole lot of expectations from each other ,because you have known each other for sometime,and somehow feel that you know each other well but thats not the case.You dont know a person well until and unless you live with each other and know each other's kinks,which are so many ,its mind boggling.But the thing that is again great here is SEX,because the couple knows each other inhibitions are less and creativity is more.Once the honeymoon is over and the routine sets in ,the couple falls to mother earth with a loud thud and cribbing starts,they find fault in every little thing that the other person does.
The only way out of the situation is not to get into the blame game or have ego(((believe me its very difficult)) with each other.WHEW I sound like a marriage counsellor.GOD FORBID,if people like me started counselling i dont know whats going to happen to these happy marriages.I think i need more of this advice than anyone else does.For a moment there i could not believe myself,is that really ME preaching.Sounds like a dream.
On a serious note to come back to the original question,i still havent found the right answer to that one.when a goes for an arranged marriage everything is new ,the couple has time to fall in love with each other since the meetings before are not as many and as often as they'd like.Its a time of discovery for both of them,their likes and dislikes ,each other's idiosyncrasies and most importantly SEX,which is mind blowing.The problems crop up later but thats also ok because fights are an important part of a relation ship,if there are no fights ((((which is rare)))that means there is something shady.
In a love match the couple comes together with a whole lot of expectations from each other ,because you have known each other for sometime,and somehow feel that you know each other well but thats not the case.You dont know a person well until and unless you live with each other and know each other's kinks,which are so many ,its mind boggling.But the thing that is again great here is SEX,because the couple knows each other inhibitions are less and creativity is more.Once the honeymoon is over and the routine sets in ,the couple falls to mother earth with a loud thud and cribbing starts,they find fault in every little thing that the other person does.
The only way out of the situation is not to get into the blame game or have ego(((believe me its very difficult)) with each other.WHEW I sound like a marriage counsellor.GOD FORBID,if people like me started counselling i dont know whats going to happen to these happy marriages.I think i need more of this advice than anyone else does.For a moment there i could not believe myself,is that really ME preaching.Sounds like a dream.
